FRIENDS

Losing a friend is never easy. Parting ways with these relationships can shift your entire well-being. However, ending these friendships can sometimes be a good thing. I think we should all take the time to declutter our lives, and this process pertains to more than just material things. These are the top 3 things that I have learned as a result of losing close friends...

Hurt people do just that; HURT PEOPLE.

I had to learn this one the hard way. When someone isn't happy with themselves, there is no possible way for them to be happy for other people. The negative things that they choose to believe about themselves are constantly reflected in the way that they speak and act towards you. They might be so unhappy to the point of oblivion when they hurt your feelings. "The Four Agreements" taught me not to take anything personal. Every hurtful thing that someone says to you is simply a reflection of how they feel about their own self. I found this pretty clever, and I was quite bitter that I didn't read this book before one of my friendships turmoiled. I would constantly beat myself up about the hurtful things that were said and done to me. It took me way too long to realize that it wasn't my battle to fight; it was a battle they were having with their own unhappiness. Instead of taking the punches, tell yourself you deserve better, and remove yourself from those negative vibes.  

You cannot help those who do not want to be helped.

This was by-far the hardest pill for me to swallow. My biggest disposition in life is trying to fix broken people, so I didn't quite understand this one until it slapped me right upside the head. You CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT help people that do not want your help. My help was rejected so many times, leaving me to feel that I was flawed as a friend. The reality is that I was an amazing friend, but those who are broken and defeated cannot see the good that is surrounding them. In my past friendships, my friends purposefully avoided help from anyone, simply because they couldn't stand the idea of someone else attributing to their accomplishments. There should be no competition within your friendships; everyone should be sitting at the same table. If you're feeling excluded, or feel as though your thoughts and opinions are never heard, run Forest, runnn!  

Misery loves company.

There's not too much to say here. The three words in this statement are so powerful. When you're feeling down, or having life troubles, this is one of the rare occasions where you will see your friendship begin to flourish. Your toxic friend is thinking finally! Something I can relate to; heartbreak, family dysfunction, gossip, anything that starts and ends with negativity. But what was their reaction when you announced exciting news? How did they act towards you when they saw you making strides towards your goals? Were they even around, or were they conveniently "busy"? These are the questions that make you see the big picture. 

My take away is this: don't allow yourself to be mistreated in ANY relationship. If there are problems, communicate that with the other person. If the person truly cares about you, they will make an effort to resolve things. Don't allow yourself to shut down because of one horrible friendship. Find the good out of the situation, and continue to love hard and purposefully. The older I get, the more I realize that people will come and go. Friendships are not about length and quantity, but more about effort and quality... 

Comment some of the signs that made you drop your toxic friendship and what you learned from that situation.

Much Love, 

Sha Sha